Self Portrait

“Every man is more than just himself; he also represents the unique, the very special and always significant and remarkable point at which the world's phenomena intersect, only once in this way, and never again. That is why every man's story is important, eternal, sacred; that is why every man, as long as he lives and fulfills the will of nature, is wondrous, and worthy of consideration. In each individual the spirit has become flesh, in each man the creation suffers, within each one a redeemer is nailed to the cross.”  -Demian, Herman Hesse.

I thought about many possibilities for this documentary mode activity, and I couldn’t come up with anything but doing the autobiographical mode. My thoughts were in this mode, although I don’t think that putting myself for an audience is very interesting, I couldn’t fight with what my mind was inviting me to do-So I did it.

In the poster I tried to represent myself with different pictures that explore part of my history and personality. I’m from Chile and I was raised with folk music and dance, I was also raised with secrets and frustrations.  The picture in the middle represents that happy place where customs and traditions take place, my love for Chilean folk and passion for music. The picture in the top left is how sometimes I see myself, a mixture of traditions and capitalism, I’ve been in the United States for a couple of years and it is impossible not to be influence by its trends.  At the same time, globalization is total contradiction with my roots and what I’d like to preserve about my history.

 On the bottom right, is represented part of my organize and stable life, there is no contradiction and things are polished-it is my spiritual life. With this description I don’t mean to have a perfect spiritual life, I just happen to believe in something that helps me to improve and to be closer to God.  There is a constrained smile that depicts some feelings of following some pattern and pretending to follow others. Following any belief, even though that can make you happy, it can be hard.  On the other side, the bottom right is dark and shady it is my secrets, or my family’s secrets.

Finally at the top left, is just a plain vision of who I am.

The Black and White decision on one side of the picture  is the fight that I constantly have with myself. Is this desired as Pablo Neruda expresses in his Poem Walking around with the line “ It so happens that I am sick of my feet and my nails
and my hair and my shadow. It so happens I am sick of being a man.” Is the overwhelming weight of ‘being.’ The dark side is my sins, my weaknesses and challenges, it’s the duality in myself  that I’ve become to embrace as part of the nature of humanity.

The other side is the light and the good in this world and the good in myself, is my aspirations in life. And my family is along both sides.

The autobiographical mode tells a personal story or different emotions of the individual, and serves as an access point of other bigger question in humanity. I believe that my description of myself, or the feelings and emotion within this pictures encounter the value of opposition and duality. Because both things are needed to progress, and both things [good and evil] are in within us.